Life Coach & Relationship Expert

ADDICTED TO LOVE

 
The man I am with is seriously obsessed with gambling. To make it worse he refuses to try to find a job, which means that his time is spent on this. He expects me to keep giving him money to pay for it and if I refuse or explain that the well has run dry he gets very agressive and has hit me. I work long hours and would like to be able to save up to go on a nice holiday, but this is impossible and we are now getting behind with paying the bills. He promises to change but a week or so later it is all back to square one with more debts adding up.

Samantha Replies

Your first priority should be your own safety and welfare. I understand that you love this guy but he is abusing you. Not only does he have his craving but he also expects you to foot the bill and he is violent. You must explain to him that you cannot carry on this way and he must agree to see a good therapist about this or you will leave. Do not put up with any excuses or him telling you that he can "cure himself". It is obvious that he cannot or does not really want to! If he tries to put things off with excuses then you must go and only return to him if he has started to see someone professional. The snag with this type of problem is that you desperately want to believe him so you continually listen and give him the benefit of the doubt or believe his promises, yet they never amount to a thing. So talk will not work he has to learn that he cannot have things his own way.Do not pay his debts.

IS THERE LIFE AFTER SEPARATION?

 
I am a young guy who has just left a bad relationship My girlfriend used to shout at me and hit me. I am now scared to get into another relationship with any woman. BUT my loved ones are all urging me to get out there and date and fall in love again"! I see this as fraught with unhappiness and prefer the idea of being alone rather than having all those problems and upsets. I have always been a bit of a loner and like to spend time alone. I am happy just to sit at my computer and play games or watch television rather than go out.

Samantha Replies

Your loved ones mean well but do not understand! It may take you a long time to get over this and you must do it your way. If it takes two years then so be it. By relaxing and not putting pressure on yourself to date or fall in love things will take their natural course. It may be that you suddenly meet someone and change your mind. You can rely on one thing, your feelings and thoughts will jump all over the place right now and cannot be relied on. You may feel quite positive one day and down and unsure the next, this is to be expected, but it will even itself out. By all means enjoy being at home alone but remember there is a big wide World out there with lots of nice people that you have not met yet who could enrich your life.

SHOULD WE BE PARENTS?

 
My age is 22 and my girlfriend's is too. We are fairly happy together and get on quite well but now we have hit a rocky patch because she is nagging me to have a baby with her. The way I see it is that we are poor, we are struggling to pay utility bills and food with nothing left for luxuries like an evening out or holidays. I would rather that we sort out our finances and then when we have some to spare have some nice holidays. But she says that she is born to be a mother and must have children.

Samantha Replies

Your girlfriend is maybe right to say she was born to be a mother but even those who are born to it have to pay for nappies, buggies, babysitters and all the rest of it. Perhaps if you told your girlfriend that you love her very much and would love to be a father when we can afford it she would feel better. You could also tentatively suggest that you could get to this point quicker if she economised on spending and helped to bring in some much needed money by working over time or changing her job. Concentrate on improving your financial situation together so that you can afford to have kids without worrying about how much it costs. That way you are not falling out and you are both pulling in the same direction.